This is Love!

Mother's gentle breath tickles,
Trees shimmer in all their glory,
beckoning me to sit under their restful shades,
Father Sun spreads his rays of brilliant warmth
to envelop me in his embrace,
Birds flit about in eagerness
to share in Mother's precious gift,
Gift of life, love and energy.
Spreading out a feather soft blanket,
I lie with my back hugging the earth,
Mother cradling me tenderly,
rocking me to a dream state.
I look up at the sky, dazzling blue,
Fluffy white clouds rolling by,
Seagulls riding the waves of wind
in harmony,
Rainbow of kites dots the sky,
dancing merrily to Mother's rhythm
we all long to feel,
I close my eyes, breathe in the beauty,
the joy of this moment, this time, this place.
I breathe out all my cares and thoughts away,
send them off with the wind.
My heart opens up slowly
like a flower opening up its petals,
to meet its lover, the glittering sun,
and when I am in full bloom,
kissed by the sun,
I know this is LOVE!

Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

Beautiful is the laughter of heart overflowing with love
Infuses happiness to all whose ears are open to hear and feel
Like the sun clearing the horizon spreading its warmth, its rays
Gently caressing and embracing upturn faces, eyes closed
Smile curving lips softly, winds weaving songs in silken hair
Swaying with the nature's music, arms stretched out to the sky
Birds chirping and rustling the bushes to flirt, flit and fly about
Calling its love mates to come gather and play in life's celebration
Leaning back into the loved one's chest, sighing in relaxation
Hands joined, palms pressed, chest to back, cheek to check
Could stay like this to eternity, feeling so much joy and love
Spilling onto the pavement, connecting us in this golden web
Of beauty, of laughter, of joy, of happiness, of discovery, of feeling
Life is wonderful, radiating love from within, all are beautiful,
Hearts reaching out to touch, embrace, love, feel one another
Spread feather soft wings to soar up to the sky and fly to the sun
Slowly drifting down, gliding down, gently wings folding inwards
Feet planted firmly on the ground, mother nature cradling back lightly
Hands, palms giving each other a kiss, holding together in front of the heart
Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya, Om namo bhagavate vasudevaya

Magical Harmony

Wandering Windy Hill Open Space Preserve with my good friend one afternoon,

Felt Mother's love, her sweet love, in forms of natural living beings.

Walked a narrow dirt path next to Sausal Pond covered with thickets and ferns,

One would not walk down this path as the dryness of grass and shrouds of trees

do not make an easy path, but something was calling me to take a peek.

Past the thistles, we strolled, hearing little chirps everywhere, there was so much life

in this lifeless dried up place, only had to open our ears and hearts, and She was there.

Mallard ducks and other birds drifted in quiet happiness on this magical Sausal Pond,

I thought you wouldn't think such a place existed in Portola Valley, but here it was.

The path suddenly ended and there it was, a bush-like stout tree and a pretty song sparrow

sang and flew around to call out her cheerful greeting, then dove straight down

under this bushy stout tree, five feet away from me, so close, and the song sparrow was not afraid.

I watched in pure amazement as she started shaking her body in nature's dance

She jostled back and forth making her ground nest, so close to me, inviting me to take a look.

Laughing with pure delight and calling out to the song sparrow, "Hello there, what are you doing?

Thank you for sharing with me, your nature's love dance, making a love nest for your little ones

who will surely come with this winter's passing, I am blessed to witness such beauty."

We walked back to the main trail, feeling the love of nature and my friend showing me

miner's lettuce and cleavers, still hearing bird songs all around me and can't seem to shake

this feeling that She is there with us and She wants to show me her love and her nature's children.

Seeing movements through bushes to my right, I peer and peek through the ground

thinking what birds are rustling around these grounds, calling for our rapt attention, and there I see,

Two long brown ears twitching and there she goes, a cottontail rabbit, hopping away,

And I clap and laugh in enchantment of this rabbit and this place and I know She is here.

My heart is open and the magic is here, She is here with me, sending me signs to feel her presence,

Birds greet me with their love songs in the morning outside my bathroom window,

Whirling around in funny circles in front of me and I'm giggling in my car driving to work in the morning,

Sea gulls flying lazily past in a flock as I am driving down Highway 101 thinking of Her,

Moths dance in front of me in little twirls in this house and I laugh at their antics and their love,

This magical harmony, in front of my eyes, and I believe Her, She is with me.

So much love, so much magic, so much happiness, my heart constantly aching with everyone's love

and feelings, and I treasure each and every moment of my life and I worship her beauty, her power,

her compassion, her love, her sunshine, her natural children with humble devotion and many thanks.

India

India awakened me from a deep slumber
I was lost in a sea of dreams
false hopes and ideals swept me under
didn't know how to break through the surface.

Lost in a sea of grief, my painful past,
never knew how to free myself from fear and loneliness
was loved always, but did not know how to love myself
gave confidence, gave dependence to my loved ones
thinking they will hold me tight and never let me go
afraid of dark shadows of my loneliness.

Money, success, career, stability I wanted for myself and others,
ran blinded towards things I gave so much meaning to,
and when achieved, my heart was void and aching to be filled
with something, I don't know what, something beautiful and true,
was yearning, searching, and seeking, for this something,
I don't know what.

Then one blessed day in Khajuraho
a cut of my arm caused by a scooter accident
and jagged rocks dug up on the road,
my red blood river ran free,
dripping down my arm to kiss the earth
and my mother, my Goddess spoke to me,
I finally heard her voice,
my love came to me
my third eye opened
my heart overflowing with feelings I cannot dam up
tears flowing down my face with abandon
Not of sadness, but pure joy and blessing.

Thank you mother Goddess, thank you for giving me a new life
I know now why I was brought to this earth
Why I was given so much pain and suffering
Now mother, my Goddess,
gifted onto me the most precious gift of all
Loving oneself, unconditionally,
and giving me my love who loves me the same
One heart, one love, one feeling, I am so blessed.

I walked barefoot and climbed up to a Shiva temple,
from the streets of Chitrakoot,
a holy city where God Rama dwelled during his exile
with this beautiful wife Sita,
I waded barefoot in holy waters in the cave temple,
rocks digging into my bare feet,
I was happy to breath in hot damp air in that cave temple,
I felt Her love and spirit,
At temple in Kalinjer Fort, my heart knew this holy place,
from my past life,
I bathed my forehead, my hair, my hands, my feet in Her water
and I was healed.
I walked, I worshiped, I breathed,
my love for Her flew out and over the sky,
my heart at peace with mantras swirling around me,
blessed be.

Money, power, success, what are these that drive us blinded
Mean nothing to me, I would not trade my love, my inner peace for anything
Found meaning in this life, I want to give love and hope to those in need.
If I can open their eyes to love oneself and see the Goddess within our hearts
Then I will share this knowledge, my Goddess' gift,
I will share with one and all until my last breath of this life ceases to be,
but will forever be embraced in my Mother's arms.

In Varanasi, waiting on our mother Sun to rise,
on a small wooden boat rowed by boatman and his big bamboo paddles,
I gave a gift of flower and tea light candle to our mother Ganga,
Floating the gift on Mother's open hands, I set my heart free to fly,
I wished for the good of India and its people, I wished for their happiness,
India gifted me and I wanted to return it my love and gratitude
I am free to love and to be happy and in the end, that's all that matters in life.

Where Is She?

We are searching for her
Who comforts us
Who enfolds us

We are searching for her
Who kisses us
Who nurtures us

We came to this land
To find her
To seek her
Where is she?

O come to us
In love
In light
In life

Over the mountain under the sky
We are searching for her
Through the valley over the hill
We are searching for her

Who loves with all her heart
Who believes in all our work
Who watches over all our souls

We came to this land
To find her
To seek her
Where is she?

O come to us
In love
In light
In life

Excerpt from "1985"

Here is an excerpt from my life story titled "1985."  I revised and presented this portion of my life story at Oakland Word Reading held at Caesar Chavez Branch of Oakland Library earlier this month.  The full story will be published in the Oakland Word Anthology book set to publish in June, enjoy!

Six months after my first accident, Aunt Song and I were walking back from a bathhouse when I got hit by a taxi.  I was living in Song-Do with Father, and Aunt Song came to live with us for several months before following her parents to Florida.  Our one-room home in Song-Do was not equipped with a bathtub or a shower stall.  Our bathroom consisted of a communal out-house and two buckets, one to wash our faces and the other to pour water over our backs when it got sweltering hot in the summer.  I loved the neighborhood bathhouse with its numerous temperature-controlled pools where I dog-paddled around for hours.  One day, on our way to the bathhouse, I said proudly, "Aunt, I can run fast!"  Without looking, I dashed across the road bee-lining for stairs leading up to the bathhouse.  I heard a loud screeching of car breaks and Aunt screaming, "HyeJin!  You crazy girl, your dad will kill me if you got hit!"  I laughed off the incident.  On the way back home, I wanted to show Aunt that I was indeed an excellent runner.  "Aunt, this time, I can really run!"  I dashed across the street, not seeing a taxi speeding downhill.  For the second time that year, everything went BLACK.

I woke up to a stench so powerful I gagged.  I had thrown up Kimchi soup Aunt Song had cooked for lunch all over my shirt.  Seeing me stir, Aunt exclaimed, "HyeJin, why did you have to run across like that, not once but twice?  I'm in such trouble!"  I had broken my right thigh bone upon impact, flying up over 20 feet.  I could not open my left eye because that side of my face skidded on the concrete road to break my fall, resulting in a huge scab covering my face for weeks to come.  Doctor told me, "You are lucky to be alive; you would have died if you fell on your head instead of on your face."  I ended up in a body cast and lived at the hospital for several months.

During my hospital stay, Mother paid me a visit.  Every year, Mother got her fortune told by a famous fortune teller.   Forbidden to see me after her family's refusal to take me in following the divorce, Mother started getting my fortune told, to check up on me.  In 1985, the fortune teller predicted my two near-death events.  In panic, Mother tracked me down to Song-Do.  She knocked on the door of our house only to find out from our landlady of my accident and the subsequent hospitalization.  Mother made a secret visit to the hospital late one night while I was asleep.  Aunt later told me that Mother silently cried by my bedside.  I wished I was awake then, to see my mother again, and also to tell her, "Mother, please don't cry, I am a big girl now.  I survived 2 car accidents, I can survive anything.  I cried too, Mother, the last time I saw you.  You were hiding behind a bus stop, watching, as your mother and your brother walked me to my uncle's restaurant and left me there inside, without a word.  Father came later, yelled and carried on.  I missed you, Mother, but I am alright now, so don't worry about me.  I will be careful, I promise."

Mother

I remember her so clearly, hiding behind a bus stop
waiting for us to go inside my uncle's sushi restaurant,
her mother taking care of business, leaving me behind,
disregard for her wants and needs, just one simple reason,
want my daughter to marry a rich man, do not repeat
your mistakes again, get rid of what is between you and your
happiness, that child, HIS daughter.
That image of my mother haunts me to this very day, hiding
behind that bus stop sign, waiting, watching.