Magical Harmony

Wandering Windy Hill Open Space Preserve with my good friend one afternoon,

Felt Mother's love, her sweet love, in forms of natural living beings.

Walked a narrow dirt path next to Sausal Pond covered with thickets and ferns,

One would not walk down this path as the dryness of grass and shrouds of trees

do not make an easy path, but something was calling me to take a peek.

Past the thistles, we strolled, hearing little chirps everywhere, there was so much life

in this lifeless dried up place, only had to open our ears and hearts, and She was there.

Mallard ducks and other birds drifted in quiet happiness on this magical Sausal Pond,

I thought you wouldn't think such a place existed in Portola Valley, but here it was.

The path suddenly ended and there it was, a bush-like stout tree and a pretty song sparrow

sang and flew around to call out her cheerful greeting, then dove straight down

under this bushy stout tree, five feet away from me, so close, and the song sparrow was not afraid.

I watched in pure amazement as she started shaking her body in nature's dance

She jostled back and forth making her ground nest, so close to me, inviting me to take a look.

Laughing with pure delight and calling out to the song sparrow, "Hello there, what are you doing?

Thank you for sharing with me, your nature's love dance, making a love nest for your little ones

who will surely come with this winter's passing, I am blessed to witness such beauty."

We walked back to the main trail, feeling the love of nature and my friend showing me

miner's lettuce and cleavers, still hearing bird songs all around me and can't seem to shake

this feeling that She is there with us and She wants to show me her love and her nature's children.

Seeing movements through bushes to my right, I peer and peek through the ground

thinking what birds are rustling around these grounds, calling for our rapt attention, and there I see,

Two long brown ears twitching and there she goes, a cottontail rabbit, hopping away,

And I clap and laugh in enchantment of this rabbit and this place and I know She is here.

My heart is open and the magic is here, She is here with me, sending me signs to feel her presence,

Birds greet me with their love songs in the morning outside my bathroom window,

Whirling around in funny circles in front of me and I'm giggling in my car driving to work in the morning,

Sea gulls flying lazily past in a flock as I am driving down Highway 101 thinking of Her,

Moths dance in front of me in little twirls in this house and I laugh at their antics and their love,

This magical harmony, in front of my eyes, and I believe Her, She is with me.

So much love, so much magic, so much happiness, my heart constantly aching with everyone's love

and feelings, and I treasure each and every moment of my life and I worship her beauty, her power,

her compassion, her love, her sunshine, her natural children with humble devotion and many thanks.

India

India awakened me from a deep slumber
I was lost in a sea of dreams
false hopes and ideals swept me under
didn't know how to break through the surface.

Lost in a sea of grief, my painful past,
never knew how to free myself from fear and loneliness
was loved always, but did not know how to love myself
gave confidence, gave dependence to my loved ones
thinking they will hold me tight and never let me go
afraid of dark shadows of my loneliness.

Money, success, career, stability I wanted for myself and others,
ran blinded towards things I gave so much meaning to,
and when achieved, my heart was void and aching to be filled
with something, I don't know what, something beautiful and true,
was yearning, searching, and seeking, for this something,
I don't know what.

Then one blessed day in Khajuraho
a cut of my arm caused by a scooter accident
and jagged rocks dug up on the road,
my red blood river ran free,
dripping down my arm to kiss the earth
and my mother, my Goddess spoke to me,
I finally heard her voice,
my love came to me
my third eye opened
my heart overflowing with feelings I cannot dam up
tears flowing down my face with abandon
Not of sadness, but pure joy and blessing.

Thank you mother Goddess, thank you for giving me a new life
I know now why I was brought to this earth
Why I was given so much pain and suffering
Now mother, my Goddess,
gifted onto me the most precious gift of all
Loving oneself, unconditionally,
and giving me my love who loves me the same
One heart, one love, one feeling, I am so blessed.

I walked barefoot and climbed up to a Shiva temple,
from the streets of Chitrakoot,
a holy city where God Rama dwelled during his exile
with this beautiful wife Sita,
I waded barefoot in holy waters in the cave temple,
rocks digging into my bare feet,
I was happy to breath in hot damp air in that cave temple,
I felt Her love and spirit,
At temple in Kalinjer Fort, my heart knew this holy place,
from my past life,
I bathed my forehead, my hair, my hands, my feet in Her water
and I was healed.
I walked, I worshiped, I breathed,
my love for Her flew out and over the sky,
my heart at peace with mantras swirling around me,
blessed be.

Money, power, success, what are these that drive us blinded
Mean nothing to me, I would not trade my love, my inner peace for anything
Found meaning in this life, I want to give love and hope to those in need.
If I can open their eyes to love oneself and see the Goddess within our hearts
Then I will share this knowledge, my Goddess' gift,
I will share with one and all until my last breath of this life ceases to be,
but will forever be embraced in my Mother's arms.

In Varanasi, waiting on our mother Sun to rise,
on a small wooden boat rowed by boatman and his big bamboo paddles,
I gave a gift of flower and tea light candle to our mother Ganga,
Floating the gift on Mother's open hands, I set my heart free to fly,
I wished for the good of India and its people, I wished for their happiness,
India gifted me and I wanted to return it my love and gratitude
I am free to love and to be happy and in the end, that's all that matters in life.

Thank You

Wondering soul I was

Lost soul I was

Until you came into my life

Cornered and scared I was

Wounded and closed I was

Until you gave me hope to believe.

All my life I was searching for someone

Someone to fill the void of my loneliness

And when betrayed by Love,

I shut the gateway to my heart,

shut down to the world

shut off my path to love.

But now, my eyes are open
Through your unconditional, selfless love
I found the one I was searching for
It was not you I found, it was me I found,
I will fill the void of my loneliness
I want to love me and I want to be happy.

Through you,

I see the strength in me,

Through you,

I feel the passion in me.
Through you,
I feel the compassion in me.
Through you,
I feel the love in me.

With you or without you, I realize,

I can do anything, I believe.

Oakland Word, Oakland Local

As some of you know, I have been participating in Oakland Word (http://oaklandword.org/) creative writing workshops since February, thanks to Oakland Public Library and Cal State Library Grant.  Oakland Local (http://oaklandlocal.com) wrote several articles regarding these workshops and decided to run a series of stories featuring some of the writers participating.  Kenji, the program director of Oakland Word, wrote the attached article with an excerpt of my life story which will be published in Oakland Word Anthology, scheduled to be released in June.  Thanks to Kenji at Oakland Word and to Oakland Local!  What wonderful contribution to enrichment of local life.  We truly appreciate both of your endeavors.  <3, HJ

Here is a link to the article: http://oaklandlocal.com/blogs/2010/04/hyejin-yus-house-birds-excerpts-oakland-words-emerging-writers.

Here is the article taken from Oakland Local:

HyeJin Yu's "House of Birds": Excerpts from Oakland Word's Emerging Writers

Kenji Liu Wed, 7 Apr at 12:39pm

HyeJin Yu

Oakland Word has attracted writers from a wide range of backgrounds, representing some of the kaleidoscope of histories and perspectives that make up Oakland and the Bay Area. Our second excerpt comes from HyeJin Yu, who took the "Life Stories" workshop at the Main Library with instructor Bisola Marignay. The complete story will be published in the Oakland Word anthology, due out in June 2010.

OW: Why do you write? Who do you write for?

HJY: I write mostly for myself because writing is such a cathartic process for me. It's a great pleasure to write about how I see the world or what my life experience has been. If someone else reads my work and is inspired, that is a plus but I will continue to write for therapy.

OW: How/why did you choose Oakland Word?

HJY: A friend found out about Oakland Word through her Oakland neighborhood e-newsletter and told me about the program. Since I was working on my life stories, Bisola's Oakland Word workshop peaked my interest.

OW: Who are your 3 favorite writers and why?

HJY: Zora Neale Hurston, Maxine Hong Kingston and Bharati Mukherjee. These women writers inspire me to delve into my Korean heritage and write about it because our racial and cultural background color our writing and I find their works fascinating due to cultural elements.

OW: Did you learn anything surprising about yourself from taking the Oakland Word workshop?

HJY: Instead of writing life stories as if I was just telling a story, I learned to paint scenery with my words. I also learned to be a stronger person by writing life stories thereby facing and resolving painful past experiences. Oakland Word's workshop has made a tremendous, positive impact in my life.

OW: Will you be writing more? What kind of support do you need to write more?

HJY: I will definitely continue to write on my blog and also on my life stories compilation project. As far as support goes, it would be nice to have a local writer's group where we can share our writing and get a feedback from other writers like we have been at Oakland Word workshops.

---

Excerpt from "House of Birds" by HyeJin Yu

"Hang on!" said the policeman, looking over his shoulder. I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist as we sped along a narrow winding street up the hills of On-Chun-Dong. Cold wind whipped my short hair around and I burrowed my face deeper into the warmth of his back. Last night's events played out in my head.

I was huddling under a desk inside a concierge office in an apartment building where I've been living with Nam-Chun-Dong ajumma (“older woman from Nam-Chun-Dong” in Korean) and her family for past six months. The concierge office was no more than an enclosed glass stall big enough to fit a desk where a concierge sat guarding the entrance. Every day after elementary school, I would run into the apartment, throw down my backpack and leave to hang out at a nearby playground until it got dark and ajumma came home. Then came the winter; I could not keep warm at the playground no matter how many pairs of socks I put on. Our building concierge, God bless him, took a pity on me. He let me crawl under his desk and keep him company with my endless childish chatter until ajumma came home. Truth be told, I'd been hiding out mainly from ajumma's thirteen year old son who always liked to play rough with me, calling it tae-kwon-do or judo and flipping me around like a sack of potatoes. Afterward, I would always find a bruise or two creeping up on my body. I knew he did not like me; as a matter of fact, nobody liked me here except ajumma and that's because she was dating my dad behind her husband's back. She even lied to her husband about my real identity so I could live with her. I would not like me either if I was one of them.

---

HyeJin Yu first fell in love with the San Francisco Bay Area and its proactive residents while studying music and religious studies at University of California at Berkeley in 1996. She moved to Oakland from Florida five years ago and currently lives near Lake Merritt with her fiancé Travis and 3 kitties. When she is not biking around Lake Merritt with Travis or spending time with her East Oakland youth mentee whom she's been mentoring for two years, you will find her working on her literary blog called Lyrical Journey in Life (http://hyejinyu.blogspot.com). Since late 2009, HyeJin has been compiling life stories and poetry about her childhood experience in Busan, South Korea. Writing life stories and poetry has been a therapeutic and rewarding process for her. HyeJin thanks Oakland Word, for giving her motivation to continue her writing and opportunity to share her creative work with fellow Oakland residents.

About Kenji Liu

1.5 generation Japanese-born Taiwanese American expatriate of New Jersey suburbia. His Pushcart Prize and California Book Award-nominated writing arises from his work as an activist, educator and cultural worker. Kenji’s poetry chapbook You Left Without Your Shoes was published by Finishing Line Press (2009), available on Amazon.com. His writing has appeared in Tea Party Magazine, Kartika Review, and the 2009 Intergenerational Writer’s Workshop online anthology Flick of My Tongue. Kenji was a presenting literary artist at APAture 2009, a multidisciplinary Asian Pacific American art festival. He will be the new poetry editor at Kartika Review starting with issue 7 and is working on a multi-genre full-length collection of poetry, prose and visual art.

I Forgive You

Seeing you in dreams,
distorted
ugly
fearful.
Eyes shut,
Sweating
panting,
overwhelming.
You are near.
For six years,
slowly peeled away,
mistrust
hate
guilt.
I am stripped bare.
And yet,
just a thought,
a glimpse in dreams,
you push me to my knees.
But is it you I long to be free of?
or is it the reflection of me?
My past failures, regrets, what-ifs
am I afraid to face?
Perfectionist world
perfectionist dreams,
is it really hard to say,
Hey,
I forgive you,
I forgive me.