Love Has Found Us

Love has found us
Happiness fills all
Whole world rejoices
At our final union

All my life I want
This love this life
I almost gave up
Thinking no more wait

Our love will set us free
We will fly up and up
Until we are one
With our divine love

It's so easy
To feel alone here
No one knows me
My heart aches

I am so lucky
To find you here
Ten thousand miles
Couldn't keep us apart

Our love will set us free
We will fly up and up
Until we are one
With our divine love

I love you always
Here and now
Forever and ever
You are with me

I'm with you
Always my sweet
You are my sun
You are my honey

I love you always

Excerpt from "1985"

Here is an excerpt from my life story titled "1985."  I revised and presented this portion of my life story at Oakland Word Reading held at Caesar Chavez Branch of Oakland Library earlier this month.  The full story will be published in the Oakland Word Anthology book set to publish in June, enjoy!

Six months after my first accident, Aunt Song and I were walking back from a bathhouse when I got hit by a taxi.  I was living in Song-Do with Father, and Aunt Song came to live with us for several months before following her parents to Florida.  Our one-room home in Song-Do was not equipped with a bathtub or a shower stall.  Our bathroom consisted of a communal out-house and two buckets, one to wash our faces and the other to pour water over our backs when it got sweltering hot in the summer.  I loved the neighborhood bathhouse with its numerous temperature-controlled pools where I dog-paddled around for hours.  One day, on our way to the bathhouse, I said proudly, "Aunt, I can run fast!"  Without looking, I dashed across the road bee-lining for stairs leading up to the bathhouse.  I heard a loud screeching of car breaks and Aunt screaming, "HyeJin!  You crazy girl, your dad will kill me if you got hit!"  I laughed off the incident.  On the way back home, I wanted to show Aunt that I was indeed an excellent runner.  "Aunt, this time, I can really run!"  I dashed across the street, not seeing a taxi speeding downhill.  For the second time that year, everything went BLACK.

I woke up to a stench so powerful I gagged.  I had thrown up Kimchi soup Aunt Song had cooked for lunch all over my shirt.  Seeing me stir, Aunt exclaimed, "HyeJin, why did you have to run across like that, not once but twice?  I'm in such trouble!"  I had broken my right thigh bone upon impact, flying up over 20 feet.  I could not open my left eye because that side of my face skidded on the concrete road to break my fall, resulting in a huge scab covering my face for weeks to come.  Doctor told me, "You are lucky to be alive; you would have died if you fell on your head instead of on your face."  I ended up in a body cast and lived at the hospital for several months.

During my hospital stay, Mother paid me a visit.  Every year, Mother got her fortune told by a famous fortune teller.   Forbidden to see me after her family's refusal to take me in following the divorce, Mother started getting my fortune told, to check up on me.  In 1985, the fortune teller predicted my two near-death events.  In panic, Mother tracked me down to Song-Do.  She knocked on the door of our house only to find out from our landlady of my accident and the subsequent hospitalization.  Mother made a secret visit to the hospital late one night while I was asleep.  Aunt later told me that Mother silently cried by my bedside.  I wished I was awake then, to see my mother again, and also to tell her, "Mother, please don't cry, I am a big girl now.  I survived 2 car accidents, I can survive anything.  I cried too, Mother, the last time I saw you.  You were hiding behind a bus stop, watching, as your mother and your brother walked me to my uncle's restaurant and left me there inside, without a word.  Father came later, yelled and carried on.  I missed you, Mother, but I am alright now, so don't worry about me.  I will be careful, I promise."

"A Bird in Love" by Shadi Torab

I first met Shadi at my current job as an architect for our in-house architectural firm.  Shadi and I both love Japanese food so we often went across the street to Tokyo Express to grab a bite to eat during lunch and share our life stories.  At a lunch outing, she said, "Ask me about my culture, about Iran."  I was taken aback at first, but I understood.  All of us have some pre-conceived notions about how a certain culture is.  Thinking of Iran, I imagine a woman shrouded in black with only slivers of her eyes showing a hint of self with a limited amount of freedom to walk around in public or interact with people of opposite sex.  Shadi told me that my assumption was not entirely wrong but that my notion of that woman's dress applies only to a small population of Iranian women who are a part of certain strict religious sector and my notion of the woman's freedom outdated.  Shadi explained that Iranian women are very educated, a majority attends universities, and they wore very colorful and beautiful dresses and veils but are not required to cover their faces.  She also relayed that Iranian women have more freedom, the country and its culture less restrict than in the years prior to 2000 (I based my assumption on a fiction book read 15 years ago, how naive!).  I treasured our lunch conversations.  Since last Friday was Shadi's last day at our company, I will sorely miss her beautiful, calm and enlightening personality.  One afternoon, I mentioned to her about my literary blog and found out that Shadi also had a blog she writes: http://hozche.blogspot.com/.  Taken from her blog, here is a poem written by Shadi, posting here with her blessing, so enjoy!

“A bird in love”

The one that blows your mind away,
The one that makes your heart play…

You cannot concentrate,
On a single thing you do,
You cannot participate,
In a single discussion you go through…

You hear his voice, his laugh and his words,
You see his face, his smile and his toes,
And you lose your mind, your body and your soul…

You want to become a bird to fly by his house,
You want to become wind to touch his hands,
You want to become water to kiss his lips,
You want to become a fallen leaf,
To feel his weight on your veins,
You want to just disappear,
And get reborn in his soul…

You wait and wait til’ he talks,
Wait and wait til’ he laughs,
Wait and wait til’ he goes,
Away and away and far away…

A “bird in love” sings and sings,
No one knows what she sings,
No one knows what she wants,
No one knows where she flies,

A “bird in love” sings and sings,
Until the day she dies….and dies…
That is the day she flies to skies.

And somewhere far,
Far and away,
where the wind blows,
where the water flows,
where the leaf rolls and rolls,
until it hits the grounds,
He walks and wonders,
what a lovely fall,
why the bird cries?

Fortress

Cry until you can't shed a tear
Scream until you have no voice
Tear your heart out and throw it back at him
Take it all and leave me alone

You have me under your control
I can't fight you anymore
My body is spent with exhaustion
Please just take it all and leave me alone

I don't need you anymore
I can live on my own you'll see
I am strong
Invincible

I am a fortress
My walls will protect me
No one will destroy me
No one will be that smart

I am a fortress
My walls will protect me
No one can get in now
No one can get out now

Deception

I'm tired of your deceptions
I'm sick of your excuses
I don't dare to trust your words
Sweet lies tear my heart

I put my trust in you
I pledged my life to you
You destroyed our bond like that
No regard for what future holds

I see you in different light
How shallow and fake you are
One moment you are what you seem
Next moment I don't recognize you anymore

Deception kills
Deception robs
Deception closes the gates of me.

Walk Away

How can you tell me it's over
what about those moments together
was that just my fantasy
did I not live in reality
we'll be together forever you said
like stars thrown across the sky
we held each other day by day
knowing it's okay to cry.
Go, walk away
don't look back
I will not stay to watch you
behind my stony silence
lies pieces of my broken heart.
Don't reach out to touch me
don't try to explain
turn around walk away
I'll be fine, it's another day.

This Feeling

Please hold me tight and don't let me go
I'm shivering like crazy and I don't know why
lay me down on solid ground
no churning, swirling of my dizzy mind

Please hold me close and don't let me go
I'm crying like a baby and I don't know why
lay me down where the grass never dies
no withering, falling of my tiring body

Shadows all around me
can't seem to stay away
even when darkness of night dies away
to give the kiss of light
I can't seem to shake away
this feeling...

For a Smile

Trying hard not to scream and fight
Trying hard not to break in tears
I don't want to argue now
Why must we always hate and war

Sometimes I feel like I am dead
Caught behind these caged bars
I want to shout, scream and cry
But all I can do is sit and wait

For a smile
A happy thought
A wonderful dream
For love that weighs more than hate
For love that weighs more than sorrow
And you, do you love me?

Why, oh why, must we war?
Please, oh please, listen to me!
Help me work things out...
All I can do is sit and wait.