One Lovely Smile

One lovely smile, she captivates all.
Palms open to heavens,
Surrendering in endless joy,
Tears stream down her face,

Encapsulating our hearts,
Brighter than the sun,
Softer than the moon,
She envelopes us in comfort,
in silence.


Image from Testriffic.com

Meaning of Life

Caught up in the hustle
9 to 5er chasing BART daily
sapped energy parked on couch nightly
But money is good life is great
I ain't going hungry roof is sturdy
gets to travel some gets to shop some
gets to go out and waste money some
My future plans big
wanna go to business school
gonna hustle harder make more dough
But what about my hungry heart?

More more I want more
I don't know what it is that I want
I want some meaning to my life
some purpose to my getting up
every morning at 6am
drinking coffee checking emails
paying bills surfing the net
getting ready for work hopping on BART
on my cellphone on my IPod
on my computer on my office phone
always on the run always busy in this urban life
But...

Grateful to have my lovely companions beside me
looking forward to having kids of my own
teaching them all I learned and haven't learned
watching them live make mistakes
go through heartaches and heartbreaks
I am anticipating years ahead
traveling sharing laughters sharing tears
talking over food and wine
of lives we have shared of lives we will share
so what is meaning of life I ask

What makes my blood pump harder
what puts a big smile on my face
what makes me jump out of bed in the morning
shouting "Hello World, Here I come!"

That drive that love that energy that smile
that happiness that generosity that passion
that motivation that creativity
That must be the meaning of life.

Good bye, Bubbles, for now.

Why is it so hard letting go...

Bubbles has been by my side for over 9 years now. She has been through everything with me. As a kitten, Bubbles lived with her sister, Moomoo, and a parade of my former housemates' pets: 3 pitbulls, 2 albino pythons, and 1 akita/rottweiler mix, a giant of dogs. Fearless was Bubbles among myriads of animals in the house.

Always ready for an adventure, Bubbles would run sideways on closet walls, matrix style, to catch insects. She would follow any visiting dogs around like a guard dog ready to pounce if any sudden, wrong move on their part. She was our insect exterminator; she was ready to defend us from home invaders.

When Bubbles was 1 years old, I came home one day to find half body of a lizard lying on the kitchen floor. Mind you, it was a big lizard, just its lower body including the tail was about 3.5 inches long. "Good job," I praised Bubbles and searched around for the missing half of the lizard, head and all, but could not, for the life of me, find it. The next morning getting ready for work, I sat down to put my shoes on and as soon as I put my right foot in the shoe, I felt something hard touch my big toe. I immediately knew then where the missing part of the lizard diappeared to. I yelled so loud and ran around the living room, hopping on one foot, shaking off the touch of the dead lizard from my foot. As I said, Bubbles was our protector. She made sure we were safe from this lizard invader and at the same time, gave me a present to show off her hunting skills.

Bubbles was Queen of our home. She was in charge of the other kitties. We could never make her do anything and if we berated her, she would give a sort of meow to say, "You can't tell me what to do! I am my own cat!"

God, I miss her, the real Bubbles, not this ghost of her I see every day now. When is it time to let her go? When is it alright to say, "Hey, I have done all I can do. Now, it's time for me to let you go." Caring for Bubbles on her last days of struggle with feline lymphoma, I constantly think of Christine. Christine, my grandmother, stood by and took care of Granddad in his last weeks of battling cancer 10 years ago. How unbelievable difficult it may be been for Christine to see her husband dwindle away to nothing but a shell of human, knowing she can't do anything but be that light of warmth, of comfort to ease his passing.

I draw my comfort in knowing that Bubbles was loved. Bubbles had a wonderful family and a good feline life in this lifetime. And maybe, just maybe, I will see her again and I hold onto that hope with hope. Good bye, Bubbles, for now.

Daily Mantra

Taking steps for better future
for myself for my loved ones
Focus don't be distracted
by transient pleasure and temptation
Work hard play hard
Persistence is key to success
Believe in yourself
You are your only true influence
You are your only true agent for change
Lend a hand a shoulder an ear
There will come a time when you may need them
Be inspired
Be inspirational

I Forgive You

Seeing you in dreams,
distorted
ugly
fearful.
Eyes shut,
Sweating
panting,
overwhelming.
You are near.
For six years,
slowly peeled away,
mistrust
hate
guilt.
I am stripped bare.
And yet,
just a thought,
a glimpse in dreams,
you push me to my knees.
But is it you I long to be free of?
or is it the reflection of me?
My past failures, regrets, what-ifs
am I afraid to face?
Perfectionist world
perfectionist dreams,
is it really hard to say,
Hey,
I forgive you,
I forgive me.

She Stood Strong

She stood strong
Her hair streaming back
Wrapping around her head
Thick black strings
Where the wind blows
Trees gracefully leaning to bow
Paying homage to the wind
So beautiful,
Calm smile on her face
Accepting in this place
Eternal circle of life
Of love,
Years later
I will still remember how
She stood strong and how
I was proud of her so.

Magic is in the Air

Magic is in the air
let us be swept off in its beauty
shimmering waves of emotion
wash over us like all consuming fire

Magic is in the air
whirling around in each other's arms
reveling in new sensation
feed our hungry hearts with desire

Heaven and earth part
to deliver nature's ecstacy
what we feel for each other
is so natural
don't pretend otherwise
give into it your body and soul
I long to follow you
to eternity

Fortress

Cry until you can't shed a tear
Scream until you have no voice
Tear your heart out and throw it back at him
Take it all and leave me alone

You have me under your control
I can't fight you anymore
My body is spent with exhaustion
Please just take it all and leave me alone

I don't need you anymore
I can live on my own you'll see
I am strong
Invincible

I am a fortress
My walls will protect me
No one will destroy me
No one will be that smart

I am a fortress
My walls will protect me
No one can get in now
No one can get out now

Live Life Love Life

Don't be afraid to make mistakes
life is nothing but a bunch of mistakes
all you have to remember is learn
lean from your mistakes and go on

Who said life is a piece of cake
who said life is a straight highway
nothing is as simple as it seems
nothing is as complex as it seems

Live life
love life
don't be shy to let it all hang out
let's not pretend we're strangers
we are all in this together

I know you
I sat with you on top of a mountain
we talked about when we'll meet again
and here we are once again together
living life
loving life

I saw you sitting by yourself
I thought I'll give you a hug
just to see a ghost of your smile
touched by a hint of radiance
so divine

We walk hand in hand
nothing can ever stop us now
we are all in this together
let's not pretend we're strangers
living life
loving life.

Deception

I'm tired of your deceptions
I'm sick of your excuses
I don't dare to trust your words
Sweet lies tear my heart

I put my trust in you
I pledged my life to you
You destroyed our bond like that
No regard for what future holds

I see you in different light
How shallow and fake you are
One moment you are what you seem
Next moment I don't recognize you anymore

Deception kills
Deception robs
Deception closes the gates of me.

Silence speaks so much

Silence speaks so much
energy flowing between us
vibrating with life
immortal beats of human heart
we must never forget
we are in this together
we must strive to reach
the end of all hate and war
we must forgive in order to forget
where are we headed now
confusion clouds our heads
separating our hearts
we must unite in our beliefs
and fight for what is our right
we must sing and dance with joy
because we are one
we must shout up to the heavens
together in supplication
in frustration
we must build our paradise
with everything we got
hold on to each other's hand
lead us through to the end
in paradise.

Walk Away

How can you tell me it's over
what about those moments together
was that just my fantasy
did I not live in reality
we'll be together forever you said
like stars thrown across the sky
we held each other day by day
knowing it's okay to cry.
Go, walk away
don't look back
I will not stay to watch you
behind my stony silence
lies pieces of my broken heart.
Don't reach out to touch me
don't try to explain
turn around walk away
I'll be fine, it's another day.

I'm surrounded by exquisite mess

I'm surrounded by exquisite mess
Entrapped by opulent extravagance
I crave to touch the unattainable
I know it's virtually impossible
Crystal ball of mysterious future
Grasp it in my hands
Let me surrender
Myriads of past redemptions
Peel away to reveal
Avarice of my heart's desire

Lost Souls

Lost souls
wanderers of this earth
staring through those glassy eyes
emptiness abounds
drowning in sorrow
smacking your face and spitting at your desire

Lost souls
glittering jewels decorate the shell
emptiness strengthened by metallic ice pick
stabbing to climb to the top
jumping down into the raging fire

Lost souls
all round us
emptiness consumes and devours
genuine human nature to hold
each other up to the sky
Lost souls abound.

This Feeling

Please hold me tight and don't let me go
I'm shivering like crazy and I don't know why
lay me down on solid ground
no churning, swirling of my dizzy mind

Please hold me close and don't let me go
I'm crying like a baby and I don't know why
lay me down where the grass never dies
no withering, falling of my tiring body

Shadows all around me
can't seem to stay away
even when darkness of night dies away
to give the kiss of light
I can't seem to shake away
this feeling...

Standstill

I look out my window
And see the world passing by
No matter what tragedy lies ahead
I see the world passing by

I wake up before the sunrise
open my curtains oh so wide
let the sunshine inside of me
glimpse at the world passing by

I am at a standstill
don't know what I wanna do
I am at a standstill
and the world is keep on turning, yeah

How is it going my friend
things are happening for you I hope
don't know what you wanna do
come sit with me, buddy
watch the world passing by

get my ass in some kinda hurry
trying to accomplish what's impossible
beat myself up for not being worried
life is not waiting around the next bus stop

I am at a standstill
don't know what I wanna do
I am at a standstill
and the world is keep on turning, yeah

Secret

What are you hiding
behind those dark eyes
Dark secret
Secret past
What has touched you so deep
to the core of your being
Dark night
Night storm.

Longing so intense
makes you wanna thirst
for a touch
a kiss
a melody,
can't fight it anymore
ready to burst open
can't fight it anymore
this dark world of night storm.

What is your secret?
Share it with me
Dark secret
Secret past
Dark night
Night storm.

Rainbow

A little girl points up to the sky
to the glistening rainbow
hanging across the heavens
she asks her fairy godmother
who made such beautiful thing
for me to witness,

My beautiful little girl
fairies of distant forest made
multi-colored love arches where
they dance under radiant light.

Only when the sky sheds and
dries its tears, only then
can you see what fairies bring
to temp the sky
to happiness.

For a Smile

Trying hard not to scream and fight
Trying hard not to break in tears
I don't want to argue now
Why must we always hate and war

Sometimes I feel like I am dead
Caught behind these caged bars
I want to shout, scream and cry
But all I can do is sit and wait

For a smile
A happy thought
A wonderful dream
For love that weighs more than hate
For love that weighs more than sorrow
And you, do you love me?

Why, oh why, must we war?
Please, oh please, listen to me!
Help me work things out...
All I can do is sit and wait.

RIP

Achingly sweet
oddly beautiful,
Deep in slumber
never to be found,
Carefree
lost in dreams,
Don't wake up
keep on dreaming,
Rest In Peace.

Please remember
one sweet kiss
goodbye.